How is it at 41 that I am still driven by guilt every day in some way or another.
The messages my brain receives on an ongoing basis is rather frightening.
It seems as if it's never enough... or too much...on all fronts.
I am not praying enough...
Up early enough...
...drinking enough (water that is!)
Exercising or walking enough...
Sleeping enough...
I am not patient enough...
Calm enough...
Happy enough...
Disciplined enough....
And on the other hand...
I talk too much...
Waste too much time..
Facebook too much...
Watch TV too much...
Have too much computer time...
Work too much...
Eat too much...
Spend too much...
Yell too much....
TOO MUCH..... not enough
I am finding that a lot of what I do.... is guilt motivated and I am wondering if that is why change is not long lasting or consistent....
I am finding what is sufficient...for the day... is not related to me at all...
What is sufficient... ((not TOO MUCH or not enough...))
...is the GRACE of GOD
I am discovering again ( you'd think I'd get it!!) that His mercies are new every morning...
that His Grace is sufficient... for the day...
That understanding is motivation enough.
Like Rob Bell says in Velvet Elvis...
I need to kill my super-what-ever....
I am not super-mom, super-home school mom, super-wife, super friend, super-sister,
super chef.... super daughter... super ANYTHING!
... when I look around at others and compare myself to them and find myself in the state of
too much or not enough...
I am denying the Grace for the day...
I am denying the One who provided the Grace for the day...
As each day passes I realize more and more how I don't have to concern myself with the
REST of My Life...
I need only be concerned with today....
Today...as my grandfather used to say...
I am Sufficiently Sufficed!
Ahhh... & that's just where i need to be today.
ReplyDelete*enough*.
love this - i always think "manna" - God gives us what we need for *each day* but not a whole bunch to hoard for a rainy day - that way we have to keep coming back to Him...
ReplyDeletePraying for you (scary about your son) and i'm adding you to my links on my blog so i'll remember to come back and check up and see what you're thinking...
My roomate was talking about this a bit with Jamie and I last night, and it's something that I know everyone struggles with a bit...my phrase is this..."Stop shoulding on yourself" lol, say it out loud and it has a better impact...hehe
ReplyDeleteBut it's true...I love what you wrote though...God's grace IS enough!