A Vapour...a Breath....a Life....

When you speak a name that hasn't crossed your lips for years...

...followed by the words... "has passed away"...

the universe is irrevocably changed....

For an instant today time slowed...I took a breath...and exhaled...

My heart beat loud..thrumming slow...steady...and skipped.

My mind skipped with it..back 19 years...

When I was so much younger...

So much more younger than now... and so was she.

There were husbands.

Babies.

Toddlers.

And more babies growing in swelling wombs...

Sunny afternoons...family meals shared round the table...popscicles...rhododendrons blooming... 

long dark hair flying and dark eyes flashing...

Laughter...loud..long and lingering....

Grubby hands ..sweaty ..chubby bodies lifted high and swung round...

Wives and moms we were...friends too, by the grace of God.

And time rolls on relentless....unstoppable...

Changes...seasons...inevitable...moves...and more changes...Borders crossed...dreams pursued...

distance and life intervenes...

paths diverge...

Long without news...snippets here and there...now this?

Gone.

Loss.

Such a small word.

Weighted heavy.

Displaces.

press pause.

fragile.

temporal.

my fists clench.

crescents form.

How is there to be a knowing?

A preparing?

My mind stretches..reaches hard for memories..

concrete...impact..lives intersecting..bouncing off each other...

fingerprints indelibly imprinted on each other.

We see.

We meet.

We touch.

We share.

We change.

Forever.

Who knew?

How long the curve..how sharp the corner...

How limited the time...

Precious in the sight of the Lord.

Days numbered...before one came to be.

Hairs counted.

Carefully wrought.

Fearfully. Wonderfully.Made.

Ordained.

Held.

Where can I go from your presence?

Where?????

Neither life...NOR death...

No separation.

From your love.

That's what it says.

For you are GOOD.

Author and finisher.

Keeper.

Keep her.

My friend.