Diagnosis

Well... there it was...in black and white.
Two words.
Transverse Myelitis.
So that's what all the fuss is about.
Twelve years ago it started and here I am again.
Transverse Myelitis.
That's the story my body is telling my neurologist.
What's amazing to me is the questions they ask and the tests they conduct and the trail of crumbs that lead them to a specific diagnosis. No wonder it takes years to become a specialist...How do they know what questions to ask? Most of the questions seem to have no relationship to each other whatsoever. While I am answering I am trying to follow the thread ..to make the connection...but no...she lost me there.
Repeatedly.

It's the first day of summer and after a week of rain and thunderstorms the sun is blazing a path across a clear blue sky. Everything is as it should be in that department. My lawn is growing...and so are the dandelions.I am not sure how many worms drowned in this last series of rainstorms but if my front walk and the sidewalk are any indication..the worm population must be seriously threatened.
The rain...or should I say...the constant, pounding, endless rain...has bred a crop of mosquitoes that rivals anything I've seen in years....but Summer is here...and that's a treat this far north of the 39th parallel.

Seasons change.
The sun rises. The sun sets. The earth rotates. The earth orbits.

Two words. On a paper. Spoken. Received. Absorbed.

And it's a new day.
More tests to come.
More tests to come....
In more ways than one....

It is a bit strange when you think about coming into knowledge that God has had for quite some time.
The search for truth, understanding ...explanations..reasons...
We spend a lot of time pursuing these things...
Things God already has a lock on.
He knows.
I am beginning to understand at this stage of the game...
That the elusive peace we crave..is NOT actually found in the knowing..at least not in the KNOWING of the INFORMATION.
The peace we crave....comes from knowing and loving..and pursuing..the Knower.
So..today..as my body does whatever it is doing...mysteriously and unfathomably..
I choose....other words to describe the situation and those words trump the diagnosis I got yesterday:

Beloved.
Redeemed.
Blessed.
Child of God.
Joint Heir.
Saved by Grace.
Known.
Fearfully and Wonderfully made.

I am who he says I am.

That diagnosis trumps all others.

So today. I wait. Upon Him.
Trembling.
Small.
Fragile.
Trusting....
God breathed....
God willed......
God ordained.....

HE is my hope.

...and I wait....