Monday, June 25, 2012

Here and Now

Until recently, for months I had been in somewhat of a slump : void of goals, empty of vision, overflowing with need.
I would wake up and wander, hours drifted by, accumulating at the end of the day, comprised of a whole lot of nothing much.
Or so it seemed.

There was a waiting period after the pain receded and the symptoms started to die down.
I found myself guarded and hyper vigilant.
Fear gripped me:
What if I put a foot wrong and I fall down?
What if I slip?
What if I move too fast?
What if it happens all over again?

My heart would race, and in the darkest part of the night I fought... I fought hard.
For my life:
For : My HERE & NOW.

Prayers trembled on my lips,  spilling over into the dark competing with the snores of my husband slumbering beside me, worn out from a hard days work.

My insides determine my outside.

My insides are what is true about me.

It is the inner that sustains the outer....

A house, no matter how large and no matter how comprised of nails, boards, wire, rock and other small but very significant parts. Most of these parts will never be seen. A decorator will come through with paint and rugs and design and what you see is so far removed from what sustains and keeps out the rain.

Me, the real sustained in the dark so I can walk in the light.
When I shut my eyes and everything disappears....
When I realize that I stand...alone....and I choose for me....
There the battle is fought and won.
On the inside where decisions are made and where trust is forged and hope springs eternal.
Where God himself dwells with me.

here with me.


I am learning that my here and now is the most important factor of my there and then.

So here and now I am really focused on what is going in....and what is coming out as a result.

Garbage in, garbage the saying goes.

The battle is won on the inside....

For each of us, our here and our now are so individual.

Holding on. Letting go.
Building. Demolishing.
Feasting. Fasting.
Moving forward. Taking a retreat.

What ever it is... I pray today that you know and revel in the fact that God is with you.

Here & Now.

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