Thursday, March 3, 2011
Experiment in Loving....
This is the phrase that keeps bouncing around my head this morning and I must put it down on paper...or at least a computer screen.
I was contemplating life this morning.
The raising of sons.
The loving of husbands.
The formation of friendships.... and the keeping of them.
I realized that life in general is somewhat of an experiment.
Put this with this and you get that.
Do this then that and this happens.
Insert A into B and....
Combine the first two then add the third and presto chango...wow.
I realized, as my coffee quickly cooled, that I spend an inordinate amount of time scrutinizing the ongoing experiments of others.
Well that seems to be working.
Ewww...no...definitely not trying that....
Sheesh..what were they thinking?????
Never in a million.
Look where that got them.
Yeah....baby..that's what I'm talking about!
Raising children to adulthood...ummm..talk about an experiment.
Developing friendships...that too!
Getting married....ya think?
Staying married....some would say an exercise in futility!
But today it's not about being a parent.
Or a wife.
Or a sister, daughter or friend
It's about something more.
Winter gives me lots of time for introspection.
Some days it can get a little over the edge...
But for the most part...this season of isolation and confinement has a way of cultivating deep thoughts and drives me to deepen and broaden as a human being.
Sooo this idea of "experimental loving" just drifted into my mind as I woke up this morning and rattled around inside my head as I sipped my first coffee of the day...
They are everywhere.
Random lives that dance around, and intersect mine at various points in my days, weeks, months and years.
Some are fleeting contacts.
Others stay for a time.
And there are those who form concentric circles within my own path.
Woven inextricably into the fabric of my world.
I read somewhere recently that life is 10% circumstnces and 90% your reaction to those circumstances.
I believe it.
I live a life of response.
The stimuli are everywhere.
The sun, oxygen, the cold, daylight, darkness, food, drink, ...coffee....blankets, clothing, aromas.
Bacteria, dirt, insects, parasites, disease, viruses.....
Hugs, kisses, touch....
Eveything I do is a response to something.
It is said that the circumstances of life, for the most part, are beyond our control.
It is also said that the only person you can change is yourself.
Is my choice.
A new day.
Full of situations ...people....events....some not yet set in motion...and some set in motion by days gone by
The crazy thing is:
I made one decision long ago that actually determines my responses today.
I decided to follow Jesus.
That one decision limits all my other choices.
The way becomes narrow.
The paradox is..the more narrow the way..the more free I am.
My life has become an experiment in loving.
Almost like I am no longer my own.
Like a pattern of living has already been laid out.
The pattern cut.
See the way..walk in it.
the self obsessed.
A decision like this is not at all comfortable.
I can rant with the best of you.
I have many...end of my rope moments.
I have many conversations in my head finishing with the words:
" I AM.DONE. "
...but here I am again....
this experiment... the loving one....
I plan on seeing it through....
I might not see the outcome of this experiment in my lifetime.
It might not be well received.
Rejection is assured.
Criticism.... a definite possibility.
Lots of pain.
Risk vs Reward.
I'll take the risk.
The path has been walked before.
Narrow as it is.
Few find it.
It's not easy.
It's going to cost me my life.
I'm not coming out of this alive.
But I have decided.
There's no turning back from this one.
What an adventure.
Welcome to .." The Experiment ".....
Feel free to join in.
(Let me know how it's going.)