Monday, February 21, 2011
He stands so tall.
A solid presence looming over me.
His heart so tender.
Reassuring and earnest...so earnest...it sometimes hurts to gaze into his eyes..
Was I ever that earnest???
Determined to the bedrock of his soul to be surrendered to his maker.
He wants to love unhindered...
Unfettered by his insecurities... his weaknesses and perceived flaws.
It was a struggle bringing him into the world one year and five days after his brother.
Laughing gas doesn't work...for what they intended that is... but it was novel...
I passed out afterward from blood loss...
But there he was, the son whose name we couldn't remember..
The name we labored over for the entire pregnancy was erased from our memories as if it never was.
Both of us.
What are the odds?
There he was in our arms.
Our big boy.
Chock full of all the man he was to become...wrapped in 8.5 lbs of miracle.
His name fell like rain around us in the room...
Like a rainbow..simply appearing in our hearts and minds.
All those colors.
Dependent on the sun.
Making us lift our eyes upwards...
A medic to the world.
I look today and see the man who was there with us from the beginning, wrapped up in a tiny package.
The conceptualized, designed, worked, miracle....that has unfurled like a fern before my very eyes.
How could we know ?
How could we even begin to comprehend?
There he is.
...for his smile
...for his wonder
...for his heart
...his steadfast determination
...stubborn, tenacious quest for wisdom
...his quiet surrender
...sense of the miraculous in everything
...for how he sees and marvels..and shares...
...his graciousness in the face of rejection..
...his capacity to forgive in the face of mockery and ridicule...
...his laughter...full and free...
I remember the day he turned to me and said...
" Mom, I am happiest...I am most myself... when I am serving others."
It's who you are..whenever you do whatever it is that you do.
He was so young.
A life poured out.
A steady stream.
He compels me to worship his creator.
...for his generous soul
...his joy in the simplest things
...his quiet satisfaction
...his serenity, contentment
A gift for us.
A gift from God, through us... to the world.
Like a prism he reflects the light in a thousand different ways.
And we are blessed.