Here by Default

" Without a vision for the future, 

you will return to your past: 

to your default position."

Cindy Rushton

These words hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. I have no idea why I am so adverse to writing down my vision, my dreams, my hopes for the future. I say I am a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl. A spontaneous person. I have come to realize those are just excuses.


Fear.
Plain and simple.
And I shake my head at my confession.
I never thought I was afraid.
That was back then..I'm not that girl any more...am I ?


{{ gulp }}


I was so performance driven in my early years. So driven to succeed, to excel.
Honors student, valedictorian at Bible School. MVP for basketball and volleyball, all-star by grade nine.All those years I was shaking in my boots. Inherently insecure and hiding it well.


I stand here, present day, middle aged, with the latter half of my life staring me in the face.


What will I do?
Who will I be?
My finger is itching, stretching for the "reset"...that "restore to default settings" button is screaming my name.

Don't make plans....don't write it down. Don't put it out there.


What amazes me is that the cowering girl is still there after all these years. And she obviously has trust issues and pride issues. The truth is, it never has been about her and her abilities alone. 
Paul had it right when he spoke to the Corinthian church:

"My speech and my preaching were not 

with persuasive words of human wisdom,

but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power."

1 Corinthians 2:4

The life I live is  supposed to be defined supernaturally not naturally. I must find my calling in the heart of God, then I will have a vision. His vision, one that will not be reliant upon my might or power but one that will be accomplished by His Spirit in me and through me.

His gifts are given freely but the requirement is:

that they be used for His Glory.

USED.
(not buried)


His word does what he sends it to do. He has spoken concerning me. I need to seek out that word, write it down, start walking it out and trust him to fulfill it. 

I need  my default changed from fear to trust. That fear is based on pride. Trust is necessary with forward motion not a stationary position. I am no longer hiding out in my life. Making excuses. Living in my default, with my finger on the reset button.
It's a new day.
 I need to get to work.I need to be about my Father's business.