She....

As I read through the Old Testament I am struck again and again 

by the diversity of  the women I find within those pages.

The extremes of their circumstances and situations.

Eve

Sarah

Hagar

Lot's Wife

Rebecca

Rachael

Leah

Potiphar's Wife

Miriam

Nameless Moabite Women

Faceless Midianite Women

Rahab

Deborah

Jael

Delilah

Naomi

Ruth

Hannah

Michal

Abigail

Bathsheba

Tamar

Jezebel

Daughters.Wives.Concubines.Judges.Queens.

Eve...crown of God's creation...beauty personified.

Counterpart.

What must She have been like?

And then...fallen...

From then on women were taken....

Loved, abused...rejected...used...betrayed...warned against.

God himself commanded:

Do not take women from other nations..

...they will turn your heart away to other gods.

AND THEY DID.

Who turned them first?

When did they first lose their way?

I read stories of women, wives, concubines being offered

to appease other men's lusts by their own husbands.

Raped.

Beaten.

Murdered.

I read of wives seducing their husbands hearts into worshiping other gods.

Luring them away from YHWH...

Others...

Hiding Idols.

Deceiving. 

Manipulating.

Then I read of courage and fortitude.

Strength, wisdom and passion.

Discernment.

Obedience.

Faithfulness.

Sacrifice.

What is woman?

She is more than the sum of her parts.

Who is She?

 She is counterpart.

She is steel wrapped in velvet.

She is a willow.

She is a wave.

What was God thinking?

We are all Eve.

We are all Her.

We are all the Prodigal Daughter.

We are every one of those women.

We are in desperate need.

Of Jesus...

Lover of our souls.

He is the Glory and the Lifter of our Heads

There is nothing beside him...

 Our beauty is NOTHING without Him..

We are...for Him ALONE.

He makes all things beautiful...even us !

Prodigal Daughter

I see her wander round, princess without a crown
stumbling and falling down beneath her burden
She’s floating through my town, a bride without a gown
passing her heart around to numb the hurting

She’s scared of coming home, she’s been so long alone
She sat upon her throne until it crumbled
and now she’s got to choose, she’s nothing left to lose
She’s battered and she’s bruised and feeling humbled
and saying her prayers to anyone

Chorus:
Who is her brother, who is her keeper
Where is her lover, can anyone reach her
A cup of cold water in the name of the father
I’m sending a letter to the prodigal daughter

So where is the reward for all the ones who mourn
for those who suffer scorn and have no father
Maybe the blessed are cursed, maybe the last are first
maybe the ones who thirst will find the water

Her lover sees inside, he sees with lover’s eyes
He sees a radiant bride with passion burning
Everything upside down, her rags become a gown
Her scars become a crown at the returning

~~ Lyrics by Andrew Smith ~~

The Song of Songs is not afar off .

It is fast approaching in my reading schedule.

I can feel my hearts cry increasing....a desperation rising 

...as I fill my eyes and ears with His word.

As I go deeper and see more clearly His character...

..the longing grows...

...the hunger for meaning explodes within...

Can you feel it?

Have you seen my beloved?

We need to call out..reach out...fall down before...

The only one who can truly satisfy...

The One who defines us.

We need to let Him lead us...to bring us to himself.

He made...She....for He.

He is her beloved.

She is his beloved.

She is...you.

She is me.

We can trust him...He was there at our making !

I am My Beloved's and He is Mine

Have you ever wondered what it was like to be Eve?
The first woman?
Crown of God's creation?
What it must have been like to walk in unbroken communion with God?
To know you were deliberately formed and fashioned for his pleasure?
To be intimately aware of his joy in you?
To be the object of his attention.
To see and be seen..nothing marring your sight.
No barriers.
Completely satisfied in the One who created you.
Aware of His pleasure in you.
You are His completely.
Beloved.

What must it have been like...
To embrace the enemy?
To taste the lie?
To feel that chord snap?
To sense separation for the first time?
To be naked?
Ashamed?

Where is your beauty now?
Swallowed in death?

What must it have been like to crave the attention, the affirmation...the glory of what was once all you knew?

I can hear her cry...
See me...
Notice me....
Accept me...

What was full..is now empty.

The silence must have been excruciating
 And then she covered herself.

She.covered.herself.
.
And thus the world is infected.
Thus woman...women...us...me....
We crave...
Eyes...
We fear...
Invisibility...
We long..
For significance...
We fear...insufficiency
We desire attention...
Hunger for meaning....
 ....communion, connection..intimacy.... Love...

Worthiness...

What makes us worthy?

Beauty? Intelligence?Success? Strength?

Skin.Eyes.Lips.Hair.

The curve of the hips?
The length of the leg?
Proportions?

There is a silent...yet not so silent scream filling the earth today.
It  proceeds from the lips of young girls...teens...women. of all ages.

Can you hear it?
 It is the cry that has echoed down through the ages...

What must Eve have felt..when she went from knowing..to un-knowing?
Sure to unsure.
Confident to insecure.
Eve's knowledge and experience of being seen and known was gone.
She was blind and deaf.

The cry of women all through the ages.
Manifested in our dress..cosmetics..scents..lotions....
Our potions...elixirs...silks and satins...

See me.
Attend to me.
Hear me.
Celebrate me.
Know me.
Love me.

We long to distinguish ourselves from the others.
We compete for attention.
For value.
For worth.
We trade ourselves..our attributes...our bodies... like commerce.
We offer.
We hunger.
We starve.

We fear invisibility.
We will do everything in our power to stand out.
The one pair of eyes that was so satisfying to feel upon us..
We no longer sense...
That intimacy shattered in the garden ...
Has set us adrift...
Who sees me?
Who knows me?
Who wants me?

The bible is full of the wanderings of Israel.
She...wandering through the desert...
Portrayed as a woman.
Selling herself.
Sleeping with the enemy...
Laying herself out...
The imagery is startling.
The Lord....God...Holy...Righteous..
Portrayed as her husband.
Sees her.
Knows her.
Dwells with her.
Yet she craves the attention of others...
And she prostitutes herself.

Hosea.
Take Gomer as your wife.

And he found her, ragged, torn, sick, dirty, disheveled, destitute, chained to an auction block in a filthy slave market, a repulsive shadow of the woman she once was.Hosea bought her from her slavery for fifteen shekels of silver and thirteen bushels of barley.

(Hos. 3:2)

My God.You love me that much?

I ..who long for eyes to see me.
To be captivated by my beauty.
To extol my virtues.
To esteem.
Pay homage.
To Worship?

  But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 

1Sam 16:7

I know God was speaking about the sons of Jesse and Samuel was choosing a King, but the truth is...this has struck such a knife in my heart as a woman.

Do not consider his appearance.

Us women can be all about the outside.
If we are honest.
We spend more time shopping for clothes, make-up, shoes...accessories.
We spend more time grooming.
We spend more time admiring.
We spend more time taking photos of oursleves.
Primping.
Posing...and posting for all to see.
Comparing.
Competing.

Catalog the hours.The countless minutes.
Look back over the years.
It is astonishing.
Terrifying.
My heart is sick.
Convicted.
I am Gomer.
I am Eve.
I am Israel.

Today.... I have given myself a challenge.
The challenge of a lifetime.
It is tough...a dying of sorts.
I am determined.
I am motivated by a love that is deeper.
An acceptance that has nothing to do with my physical beauty.
An intimacy that is mine for the asking.
A knowing that is sure and true.
I am ransacking my closet.
Going through my make-up drawer.
Culling.
Purging.
Sacrificing...
Obeying.
My time is better spent with him..loving, serving, worshiping...
I am living out the words of scripture today as I sing:

We bow our hearts
We bend our knees
Oh Spirit come make us humble
We turn our eyes
From evil things
Oh Lord we cast down our idols

So give us clean hands
and give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another..

Oh God let us be

A generation that seeks

Your face Oh God of Jacob.

~~Chris Tomlin ~~

The true reflection of myself is found in the face of the One who made me...
Not in the mirror.
My heart is his most cherished treasure.
He has bought me back.
Paid the ransom.
Covered my nakedness.
Taken away my shame.
It's his gaze that matters.
He doesn't stop at the surface.
The fine lines and wrinkles.
The stretch marks.
Age spots.
The belly.
The breasts.
He sees me.
He knows me.
And still loves me.
He gives me meaning. Defines my existence.Gives me worth...value.
His love is set like a precious jewel over me.

 

See my beloved....she is mine...

…clothed in my beauty…

…My Glory...

I am the keeper of her heart.

I am his.
He is my Glory and the Lifter of my head.

I challenge you today....crave his gaze...revel in his attention...find satisfaction in your reflection in his eyes...
Be captivated...live out of the shelter of his affection.
Do not lift your soul to another.
Come up out of the desert...on the arm of your beloved....