But It's Just Not True

Northern Parula ~ Photo: Tracy Auton Stuit

How many times have you poured out your heart to God, telling him how lost you feel, how disappointed or how abandoned ?

You fill in the blank:

" But God, I feel so_________________."

"God, I feel like a_____________________!"

I don't know about you, but for me the battle is always raging.

My words go something like this: {in no particular order}:

I feel so: helpless, hopeless, useless, undesirable, unworthy....

I feel like a :  failure, loser, disappointment...

At home group last week we were talking about how our relationships with our fathers affected our view of God.

For the good or the bad.

We discussed how we are unable to see clearly and trust in grace because most of us feel the need to perform for God's approval.

We try so hard, as if in the doing we become acceptable.

The simple things of God confound the wise, that is what my bible says.

There is a line in the novel 'The Shack' that speaks directly to the heart of this issue:

The main character Mac says to God:


" ...but God I feel so...lost..."


The reply is so simple, so peaceful, so deeply profound:


God reaches out, takes him by the hand and says:


" I know, but it's just not true."

Let that sink in for a minute...right into the core of your being.... let the echo resonate deep inside:

God is who he says he is.
I am who he says I am.
You are who he says you are.


Is there an area in your life which has you imprisoned or immobilized?

Are your feelings or your opinions regarding who you are, your situation and circumstances in conflict with God's viewpoint ?

He takes care of the sparrows and the lilies...how much more is he caring for you?

Maybe it's time you stretched out your hands, looked into his face and trusted him when he says:

I know...but it's just not true...

Love Trumps

I slowly stretch as I awaken on this beautiful sunny simply gorgeous September morning. My bedroom door is shut, courtesy of my middle son who is busy down the hall in our den. He hears me stirring, knocks on my door and asks if there is anything he can get me.Before he heads down the stairs to get me a V8 with cracked pepper, he turns on my computer for me.

I lay in the stillness beside my husband of 22 years and tears leak from beneath my lids.
I breathe a prayer of thanksgiving and blessing.


My second born enters on the heels of his brother.
"Mom, we are out of coffee, I am heading out to get some and will get some milk too."


My heart skips a beat.


I lean over and grab my bible. 
I am behind in my reading...the week  went by so quickly and I battled...I fought..I raged...
I feared and I hid.


And God was with me.


As I write today I sip a steaming mug full of Three Sisters Coffee ( Kicking Horse) {My fav !!!}
It was delivered to my hands minutes ago by a son born almost 20 years ago. I recall this same son saying to me years ago, back when he still fit on my lap and snuggled under my arm:

" Mom, I am most myself 

when I am serving others."

There is no higher call. None.


My week was full.
Not of huge activity visible to the naked eye, but inside where no one can see : I fought.
I laid down at night, day after day and cried out.I closed my eyes, left with nothing but a bedrock trust.
My foundations held.
I ran  into the arms of the Only One who truly knows me. I was safe.


Needs pile up.
Confidence falters.
Desperation builds.
Questions batter.
Perceptions distort.

LOVE trumps all of it.


In the face of battles and wounds, lack and wanting...failure and fear...


My hands empty..
I throw it all down so I can grasp hold of God.
I know I am loved.
I know he is good.

Love remains...opinions, perceptions..they are dust in the wind.
My head bows, thankfulness arises...gratefulness builds again.


Sustained.
Beloved.
His.

Through Broken Lenses

It's been a painful year. Both physically and emotionally.
I have said it before and I will say it again with deeper knowledge and experience:

Pain has a power more than anything else in life

to strip away everything of in-consequence and leave foundations bare.

Pain stops you in your tracks and speaks of things.
It tells a story.
It makes us stop.
Did you know that only 6% of your nerves communicate pain?
The rest keep you alive.
So if you are getting messages of pain, it is more than likely that other life processes you can't feel are also affected!
There is a whole lot going on in my life right now in my extended family that I am not able to share.
As a result of some seriously painful situations and circumstances...groan..I have come to realize that we all view life through broken lenses.
Our filters are clouded and distorted.
all we can do is cry out in our distress. Cry out loudly and trust  God.
Trust the One who made us and who calls us to himself.
Our relationships surround us and we are so woven together..so intricately involved..and yet...we walk alone.
We answer for no one but ourselves.
We stand and account for our beliefs, our behaviors.
We see NO ONE clearly.
We ourselves are viewed through broken lenses.

"But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height,

for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. 

People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”  

~ 1 Samuel 6:7 ~

We only see the outward.It's all we see, even when we peer deeply.
We interpret as through a glass dimly:

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

~ 1 Corinthians 13:12~

It's blurred.
We are making decisions every day.... limited.
We're fractured to the core and yet..He is making all things new.
The heart is what concerns God.
The heart is what should concern us.
People are precious even if their behavior isn't.
I need to intentionally love.
I need to not rely on my glasses.
My heart has broken this last while.
My mind is wrestling every thought, every emotion into captivity:

I will not rely on my own understanding...

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths straight."

~Proverbs 3:5-6 ~

 

The pain hurts...something is wrong...
I am in distress...my only hope is in God.
Trusting.
Holding tight.

Fixing my eyes....on Him alone.