Sunday, September 11, 2011

Love Trumps

I slowly stretch as I awaken on this beautiful sunny simply gorgeous September morning. My bedroom door is shut, courtesy of my middle son who is busy down the hall in our den. He hears me stirring, knocks on my door and asks if there is anything he can get me.Before he heads down the stairs to get me a V8 with cracked pepper, he turns on my computer for me.

I lay in the stillness beside my husband of 22 years and tears leak from beneath my lids.
I breathe a prayer of thanksgiving and blessing.

My second born enters on the heels of his brother.
"Mom, we are out of coffee, I am heading out to get some and will get some milk too."

My heart skips a beat.

I lean over and grab my bible. 
I am behind in my reading...the week  went by so quickly and I battled...I fought..I raged...
I feared and I hid.

And God was with me.

As I write today I sip a steaming mug full of Three Sisters Coffee ( Kicking Horse) {My fav !!!}
It was delivered to my hands minutes ago by a son born almost 20 years ago. I recall this same son saying to me years ago, back when he still fit on my lap and snuggled under my arm:

" Mom, I am most myself 
when I am serving others."

There is no higher call. None.

My week was full.
Not of huge activity visible to the naked eye, but inside where no one can see : I fought.
I laid down at night, day after day and cried out.I closed my eyes, left with nothing but a bedrock trust.
My foundations held.
I ran  into the arms of the Only One who truly knows me. I was safe.

Needs pile up.
Confidence falters.
Desperation builds.
Questions batter.
Perceptions distort.

LOVE trumps all of it.

In the face of battles and wounds, lack and wanting...failure and fear...

My hands empty..
I throw it all down so I can grasp hold of God.
I know I am loved.
I know he is good.

Love remains...opinions, perceptions..they are dust in the wind.

My head bows, thankfulness arises...gratefulness builds again.


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