Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Context


What is it about dawn in the spring?
It never fails to make my heart leap. It never gets old.
The sun rises every day of the year but sunrise in the Spring-time is by far one of the most breathtaking experiences of my life...and it happens every year.
I awoke this morning and pain was the dominant ruler of my day...and then the sun came up...
Fingers of light stretching east to west...
Illuminating, caressing the landscape..nourishing...
I think it is all about context...
Like the words of the song..
"Don't it always seem to go: You don't  know know what you've got til it's gone"
Spring always follows winter.
Day always follows night.
Up comes after down...

Sleep always seems like dying to me.
Laying down my body, closing the eyes, drifting off...
Unaware...
Unconscious.
For all intents and purposes...I am not....
Then the awakening...the return...
It's a rebirth.
Today is a new day, yesterday washed away.... dead and gone...
I am like a Phoenix rising from the ashes every day with the sun..
Reborn...remade...refreshed...
Winter was long and hard....
It seems to steal from both ends...
Nipping at Autumn early and driving it out relentlessly, biting and clawing it's way forward.
It lingers and clutches at Springs coat-tails...laughing and taunting that it's not done with me yet.
But it is defeated....always.
Spring comes....ALWAYS.
Winter seems to have no purpose..but to ravage...defeat..destroy...
Don't get me wrong...snow is beautiful...and can provide hours of entertainment and fun.
There is a wonder and magic in the radiance of the white covering that shrouds a dead landscape.
It's stillness...breathlessness...is compelling.
But...Winter produces nothing living.
Nothing is alive save the living and breathing walking though it.
It's hard shell repels...rejects...forbids entry.
Storms rage....temperatures plummet...darkness rules.
It is a predator....it can kill with it's savage beauty.
It is a crucible. A furnace. An altar. A cross. A grave.
Spring....it is a womb..alive...pregnant with purpose...swelling with potential.
Spring pulses. It has a heart beat.

In this northern hemisphere, Spring is all the more magical and captivating in context...
It's battle with the long-fingered grasp of winter makes it all the more wondrous.
I could laugh with sheer joy!
Triumphant.
This season is such a picture of overcoming.
Of life...after death.

My body woke me in agony this morning...
Pain has been the dominant feature on my landscape for a while now, causing me to gasp and drop and shuffle and twist..looking for relief....that seems the sole aim of my existence lately...Relief !

The sun rose this morning.
My heart skipped a beat.
Tears blur my vision.
There is more to my existence than being pain free.
I am more than the pain.
My mind, my thoughts, my heart and soul....they are eternal.
This landscape...this body... can be injured, broken, afflicted....it can fail..and fall.
It can die.
The words  of a hymn we used to sing whispers through my mind...

"But I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded: 
that he is able...to keep that which I've committed ..unto him, against that day. "

My son has opened the window in my living room..
I lie here on my foamy..reclining ...leaning into the pain...pressing in...
The breeze blows fresh...carrying out the stale air and bringing with it birdsong and smells of green grass...
My eyes drift closed...a smile spreads slowly across my face...
Today...set before me is Life...and death...

I choose...Life....
I choose.... no one chooses for me...
I decide...what matters...
Life.
I shout it out!
To my body.
It doesn't matter.
Limits. Restrictions. Pain.
My thoughts. My mind. My attention. My being. My worship.
Directed.
Offered.
Live to die...Die to Live....
It's all about context....
Life wins every time!

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