We thought we wouldn't have children. I had "complications".
They were wrong thank God!
We were so young when we got married. I was 21, the age my eldest turns today.
I lay here in my bed waiting for meds to kick in, a pinched nerve and other random issues are limiting my movement very effectively.
I remember the pain of my first labor and delivery. It is amazing how that pain was so productive; how the contractions and spasms worked to bring my beautiful son into the world.
Deep inside throughout the whole birth I KNEW there was purpose in the pain and I had peace, and joy: such joy! Life from agony. A miracle. An eternal soul. A priceless gift. Three more followed hard on our first borns heels. We ended up having four sons in five years.
Miracles, all of them.
I bear marks on my body today, tattoos of love etched on my belly and a body softened and widened with the journey. They are reminders to me that weeping endures for the night: but Joy comes in the morning! Love bears fruit. Suffering....transforms.
I hurt today. It is a different kind of pain that seems to have no purpose. My back screams at me and I wonder if any good will come of this. There were warning signs over the last few days to be sure but there is this sort of helplessness that creeps in as the cycle spirals down again.
The questions come hard and fast. I have no answers. Limitations frustrate me. They could incapacitate as much as the pain does if I let them. But, I am discovering that this pain has the power of transformation. This pain is a birthing of sorts. It is a place unique. When giving birth, my body decided. Instincts took over and I had very little control over the events.
It is different now. I choose. I choose peace. I choose joy and thankfulness. I choose to bless and not curse. I choose trust. Something is being forged in me again. Something is being sown. I am being shaped and fashioned. I am being remade, transformed. I know beauty will come from the ashes.
We have four birthdays to celebrate in the next 18 days. Four sons, four precious lives walking this planet: We have changed the world!
It is a new day: each moment a gift, each second a choice.
I choose joy....I choose gratitude...
It is well with my soul.
Are you hurting today?
Is there pain in your life that seems without purpose?
Leave a comment and I will pray with you and for you....
I am sharing from the trenches today...the battle is on.