Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Driven { Pain's GPS }


I woke this morning: screaming.
There is nothing like it.
I have no words to describe the feeling.
The struggle to find a place or movement...
...or position that ends the agony...
is all my brain can focus on.
I ended up on the floor on all fours crying.
Desperate.

and.
so.
i.
pray.

There are many branches on the path of life.
Options.
Choices.
I have made one choice that informs all the other choices to be made.

I have decided to follow Jesus
and
There's no turning back.

As I found myself on the floor this morning...
then being carried back to bed by my loving husband...
being gently held as I endured....
I did the only thing I could...
I turned to face the One who knows me...
The One who knows all about pain and suffering.

I cried out...
I made my declaration:

WHOM HAVE I BUT YOU?

Though my questions asked, may never be resolved...

In the darkness...
...my husband and I launched our broken selves...
and our limited understanding...
into the loving arms of our Lord.

and
we
prayed
and 
we 
worshiped
and 
we 
proclaimed
and
we 
trusted

"And we know that in all things God 
works for the good 
of those who love him, 
who have been called according to his purpose."
~~ Romans 8:28 ~~


What I know is this...

Everything that happens to us...drives us in one direction or another.

Towards:
Bitterness, resentment, alcohol, drugs, sex, money, anger.....SELF.

Or...

Peace, forgiveness, trust, hope, love, patience, faithfulness.... JESUS

I admit.
I am tired.
I am a mess.
I cry.....oh how I cry....

but...

"Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with him."
~~Psalm 126: 5-6 ~~

I hold fast to the only sure thing.
The only sure One.
My only hope.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us 
in triumphal procession in Christ
and through us spreads everywhere 
the fragrance of the knowledge of him."
~~ 2 Corinthians 2:14 ~~

Today....I will bless His Holy Name!

1 comment:

  1. I hope that this episode passes quickly... I hope that this is a one time occurrence, but the desperation makes me think that you have been dealing with the pain for a long time...

    You have my prayers.

    "Everything that happens to us...drives us in one direction or another."

    What an important reminder...

    (I feel like I have just been to church! Thank you!)

    ReplyDelete